Professional Learning with Public School Educators
_________________________________________ White female teacher #1: I don't really see the problem with being "color-blind". I don't appreciate how I'm being chastised because I don't walk into my classroom and think to myself 'oh there's two black students, three Hispanic, one this, one that -- WFT #2: -- Exactly! I don't judge my students that way. I don't want to reduce them to their color. That's not what I was taught to do. I see all my kids equally. Me: Who else shares these feelings? *unanimous nod in agreement* Me: So let me pose a few questions. Which students are disproportionately impacted by disciplinary referrals and school based arrests? WFT #1: ...students of color. Me: Is this true in just one particular school or across the district? WFT #1: ...across the district. Me: And which staff personnel are most responsible for these "disciplinary actions"? *silence* Me: Teachers. *silence* Me: So, clearly, your "colorblindness" ain't working out for these kids. *silence* Me: Let be clear. I'm coming into this training with the assumption that you all care about your students and deeply appreciate the role teachers play in the lives of young people. Is that fair? *unanimous nod in agreement* Me: Good. Then allow me to be blunt. Because you deserve honesty. Your "good intentions" are not good enough. Period. *jaws tighten* Are you the sole problem? Of course not. I have and will continue to be critical of the District. Your success is dependent on them getting their ish together. *shoulders loosen* *unanimous nod in agreement* But you're whose in the room so we're gonna focus on the room. *eyes widen* The "complicated" relationships you have with students of color, the academic outcomes for students of color, are a direct reflection of your practices and values in the classroom. Ya'll catch that? Your reality is in perfect alignment with what you're bringing to the table - conscious and unconscious. *collective sigh* *jaws tighten* So yes, you have to think about race. Consciously. Colorblindness is a privilege. It is not real. We ALL think and talk about race - all the time. Some of us, however, are more accustomed to recognizing and naming when and how we do it. Not thinking about race, or not wanting to think about it, is a privilege that people of color do not have. It is a matter of safety - physical, political, emotional, cultural, intellectual safety - to know who is in the room, how you are perceived in that space and, therefore, how you are allowed or expected to navigate that space. Colorblindness is a privilege your students do not have. Colorblindness gets them pushed out. When your students are not aware of race, or do not care to pay it mind, when they don't act the way whiteness expects them to - you suspend them, you fail them, they drop out. You want to change the outcomes? Interrogate your values and change your practices. |
*enters Uber to hear NPR on the radio*
Uber Driver: You know, I don't really like to talk about politics but - c'mon man, the elections are a year out. I don't wanna hear any of this shit about candidates. All I know is the orange guy is gonna be on the ballot and some other person..and I'm picking the other person. Simple. Anyone's better than him. Me: lol You're clearly not a fan. Him: No! I'm not. He's horrible. He's unqualified and he's just an ignorant person. Me: I hear you. Him: You know, a lot of people said that he got elected because of racism...and yeah, I guess that's true. I don't think it was the only reason though. Me: What do you think were some other reasons? Him: It's just people not feeling like they can relate to other people so they vote out of fear. Me: For example? Him: Like I'm white, right? But like I'm Italian. My family came here two generations ago and we weren't accepted in society either at that time. Me: True, that generally ended when Italians became white in the 50s though. Him: Right! But like I tell my friends - that guy from Guatemala...he looks just like your grandfather, man. Like my grandfather. He's trying to do the same thing our grandfathers tried to do. So why do we think we can't relate? Me: You tell me. Why do you think Italians have forgotten this history? Him: I don't know...I guess, we started getting treated better and we didn't want to ruin in. Me: Mmm..everybody wants the "goodie bag". There are a lot of privileges that come with being white. Him: Yeah..but at what cost? We gave up a lot. We gave up who we are, our history. Me: Mhmm..for a goodie bag. Him: Yeah...wasn't worth it. |
Uber driver (him): So, are you a teacher?
Me: Of sorts. I'm in education. Him: What do you teach? Me: I focus mainly on issues concerning race, gender and sexuality. Him: Ooh..those can be sensitive topics. Me: They can be for some. Him: They are, they are. I don't think everyone understands - especially with sexuality - I think people pretend to understand. Me: I can agree with that. Though, as much as wanting to understand is great, you don't need to understand someone to respect them and that is where I think a lot of people get it wrong. Him: hmm..I see, I see. But if we're being honest, I think a lot of gay men are very ambitious. They go after the straight guys. And from a distance its okay, but I don't want it to come into my space. You know, as a straight man. Me: I think what you're describing is something a lot of women would say is their experience with men who approach them, "ambitiously" as you said. lol Him: Mmm..but that's natural, no? That is not complicated - men and women. Me: No more or less natural and complex than men with men or women with women. Him: You think so? Is that just as natural? Me: I think what you're defining as natural you're confusing with what you believe is normal. And this idea that men and women are the "normal order" of things is a very new idea in human history. Him: ... Me: This is my stop. Him: I'll get your bag...well I guess I'm not so open minded. lol Me: I think you're open minded enough to ask questions. And that's always a good place to start. Have a great day! |
Me: ...Cuz most men be trash at sex and expect a woman to lie. And most of us do unfortunately. Which sucks cuz it don’t help us none. *rolls eyes*
Him: Why do y’all lie then? Like why don’t you just say something so that you can get yours? Me: *makes face like he crazy* Say what, to who, how? Him: *laughs* Me: Men don’t take critique well. AT ALL. You’re not socialized to. Especially not from women. Especially not from women that you never cared enough about to be “good” for in the first place. If you can be that trash, you not tryna hear it. You didnt care off rip. You wasn’t tryna be “good”, you was tryna bust a nut. Fuck a critique. Him: True. Me: And also, being a woman that has sex with men, we’re forever a “me, also me” meme. Him: *laughs* A what?! Me: *chuckles* The memes that describe how you are in certain situations, but how you are something completely different at the same time. Critiquing a man, calling him out on bad behavior, or whatever...First Me is always, “Girl, you better tell him about hisself”, but at the exact same time Second Me is like, “Okay, but wait..is he the type to get violent from rejection? Is he the type to publicly shame you when he feels embarrassed?, Is he even gonna hear you or is he gonna gaslight you and make you the problem?” Him: ...damn. I mean I hear that...but like not all dudes are like that. Me: Did you hear me say all men are like that or did you hear me say it’s hard to know which men are the type to react like that? Him: Touché. Me: Mhm. Pro tip - it’s never appropriate to say “not all” when a woman’s telling you about her experience with men. You’re giving yourself away. It tells me you’re more worried about upholding this image you have of yourself versus learning about someone else’s reality. Don’t make people’s stories about you when they’re not. Him: I hear you. My ba-- Me: — And also, we don’t get to be gawked at by men since we’re 10, grabbed at, hollered at, shamed by society and our own families for how our bodies develop...shit, literally be taught to fear every man — even the ones in our families — while simultaneously learning how to appease their every need.......just so we can be told “not all men”. It’s pathetic and its a lie. It’s a cop out. Him: *sits there* ... *shakes his head in agreement* ...Damn. Me: Yeah. Him: ...So you really be thinking all that at the same time? Me: Mhm. Constantly putting on a performance while you figure out the next three possible scenarios. Him: That sounds...exhausting. Me: It is. Y’all are. |
Part I
______ Me: So let's switch up for a second. Let's talk about wypipo. And I think you'll quickly realize the similarities..If I asked you for a percentage of white folks you would say are racist, what number would you give me? Him: I mean I wouldn't say all, but the vast majority. Me: Gimme a number. Based on your experience, walking in this world as a man of color..how many would you say? Him: Damn I don't know like...75...nah, it's more...like 90%. Yeah, 90% . Me: Ok. Word. Let's work with that. So if you, a black man, were to walk into a room of 100 white people that you ain't know, according to your percentage, 90 of them would be racist. In the whole room, you can assume off rip that you can't trust 90 out of 100 people. Right? Him: Yeah. Me: How many does that leave for you to feel comfortable around? Him: 10. Me: Ok. Tell me your strategy of finding out who of the 100 is the trustworthy non racist white folks? How you gonna do it? Him: .... Me: There's no way of doing that without trial and error, right? And at best, an error looks like an ignorant comment about your background or the way you talk or maybe even your hair texture and, at worst, you're dead. Him: Shit...yeah. I mean the odds are against me, it's better just not to try. Not for no 10 people. Me: Right! So there's no point of some white person telling you "not all white folks are racist" cuz it's like, how are you supposed to know exactly which ones aren't? It literally doesn't help you. It doesn't remotely make it safer to be who you are. Him: Yeah... Me: So imagine how women feel when men say "not all men.." Him: ... Me: We're coming from a place of experience, walking in this world as women, and "trial and error" tells us that, at best, an error looks like an ignorant comment, maybe a catcall, and, at worst, we're dead. Him: ... Me: Tell me how saying "not all men" guarantees our safety. Him: ...I hear you....I hear you. Part II
Me: But before you say you that, really sit with this. Cuz I just showed you the similarities. But after this conversation, you literally have the privilege to walk away and forget all of this. I don't. Women of color don't. Because we have to worry about white people and OUR OWN MEN. You see how small that "pool of trust" is? Him: *shakes head in agreement* Me: Listen, you can think of yourself as a "good man" all you want - you very well may be - but asserting that during a conversation about a woman's experience with violence from men - specifically from men of color, who you would think would relate to us - does absolutely nothing but make the conversation about you. Him: *raises eyebrows* Me: Really think about that. Tell me how making my experience about you, how making my experience about your need to assert that you are INDEED *1* OF THE "10" OF "100"... tell me how that erases the violence I have already experienced by men AND how it helps prevent future violence from men? You think telling me, or any woman, to focus on this "10%" is gonna make my life somehow easier, when - based on this conversation - I can't "find that 10%" without literally risking my life? How did you put it? Oh that's right...it's better not to try, not for no 10. Us: *silence* Me: Don't...don't allow yourself to forget this conversation. A "good man" would want to remember this. |
Two nights ago, Mami is watching the news with Papi.
Comments are made. I interrupt. - Ma, if someone said you hurt them, how would you respond? How would you react? - Huh? Idk, I would be upset. Upset that I did. I'd wanna know what I did that made them feel that way. - And when you find out how you hurt them, what would you do? - Well I'd try to fix it. I'd apologize and see what it is I could do to make the situation better. - That makes sense. If someone said something you said or did was racist, how would you respond? How would you react? - Oh idk. I've never been told that...I guess, I would make sure they knew that was never my intention. I don't consider myself to be a hateful person. I don't judge people like that. - How do you think racism feels for someone who experiences it? - Terribly, of course. No one wants to be judged in that way. You know, I've been very lucky but your grandparents experienced some terrible things back in the day. - I know. Would you say what they experienced was hurtful? - Yes. I would. Very hurtful. - So if someone told you something you said or did was racist, isn't that them saying you hurt them? ..... ..... - I mean...I never really thought of it that way...I guess...yeah...that's what they are saying. - There's a lot of people saying they are hurt. And not just by individuals, but by entire institutions like schools, police, the government. They're saying they're hurt...and almost everyone is saying, "well I don't consider myself a hateful person" rather than trying figure out how they hurt these people. I think that'd be frustrating, no? Do you get frustrated when people don't take responsibility for how they've offended you? - *pensive pause* *is looking down* I do. - Yeah, me too...so when you think of it that way, how do you think you should respond if someone said something you did or said was racist. - ...I should find out what it is that I did to offend them. - Is that fair? - ...yeah..I think that's fair. - Then maybe they aren't asking for too much. |
For five years as Program Director of the LACE Youth Leadership Program, Roslyn catered to the academic, professional, personal and cultural development of youth of color throughout Waterbury’s public school system. She also headed the creation of three local art exhibits in CT’s first Latinx Art Center, El Centro Cultural, where LACE students took the lead in educating the public about Latinx histories.
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Workshop: Definition of Beauty
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